Rudolph Giuliani/Nas -
Barack Obama/Lupe Fiasco -
Idealistic throwbacks. Arrived to deafening hype; might not have come out on top, but weren’t crushed by it. Continually plagued by questions about whether they bring any substance, but the style is fun enough to overcome most of the doubts. Strong appeal among the college crowd. Maybe not everyone likes them, but no one is gonna attack them either.
John McCain/50 Cent -
Built rep on getting shot. Seemed the heir apparent for a while, but had a bad habit of going after the wrong guys. At this point has been reduced to an afterthought. Thinks you're a wanksta.
Hillary Clinton/Jay-Z -
The Dynasty. The favorite at all times; known to make comebacks just when you thought you were done with them.
Al Gore/Diddy -
No matter what they managed to bring to the table in their respective games, they had no chance of measuring up to the guys that made them famous. Once it was clear it wasn’t gonna happen for them, reinvented themselves and ended up much bigger. Always a threat to make a comeback, but probably better for everyone that they don’t. Industries to themselves.
Dennis Kucinich/Master P -
Been around forever, but you still don’t really know that much about them. Took a couple shots at the throne, to embarrassing results. Impossible to take seriously the entire time.
Bill Richardson/Black Thought -
One of the most impressive resumes in the game, but never given the respect he probably deserves. Too legit to go away, but doubtful that he'll ever really make a serious run at the top.
Mitt Romney/Fabolous -
Known to get results, and look good doing it. Not seen as a serious threat to anyone, however, based mostly a lack of street cred amongst their respective bases.
Fred Thompson/Will Smith -
This may be where they got their starts, but they fared much better as actors. Seem likeable enough, but hard to take seriously when they've always seemed so disinterested and pre-packaged.
Mike Huckabee/Ma$e -
Pretty self-explanatory. Likeable enough, but in the end, too nice for their own good.
Ron Paul/Soulja Boy -
YouTube sensation that made altogether too much money, altogether too quickly. Undoubtedly deluded themselves into believing they had any chance of sticking around, when everyone knows they’ll be gone in a month.
John Edwards/Cam'ron -
Strongest appeal in the Midwest. Took an ill-fated shot at the crown before it was his turn. Probably not a true threat anymore, but shouldn't be underestimated.
Entered a battle that was completely out of his league. Came out swinging, but ended up just pissing everybody off. Even at the time, impossible to justify.
Joe Biden/Joe Budden -
Chris Dodd/Joe Budden
Seriously, if you can tell him and Biden apart, we salute you.
Mike Gravel/The Sugarhill Gang -
Probably still wishing it was the 1970's.
Long, undistinguished career marked by rarely bothering to show up. Even when they did, never brought anything new to the table. Really, at this point why bother?
As for us? As much as we loved Food & Liquor, we'll be giving our endorsement to the first candidate who loves this country enough to man up and break out the Grizzly Adams. It's what this country needs.