Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The Lebron James-for-MVP Post.



Over at Sports Illustrated, Marty "Let the Motherfucker" Burns has his MVP contenders list out (note: I know he put this article out two weeks ago; I've been busy). He, as with the majority of the television analysts I've seen, lists Kobe as the front-runner. I can appreciate what he's done on the court, and how he's gone from horrible teammate to a not-bad teammate (which, when used as an absolute positive for his candidacy, is the greatest use of lowered expectations since...). But, Burns's thesis is, in a word, insane.

As a jump-off point, there are 5 legitimate, mainstream candidates for MVP: Kobe, Lebron, KG, Chris Paul, and maybe Dwight Howard (I do agree w/ Burns here). You theoretically could throw Manu in there too, on the theory that he's playing the best of anyone on the Spurs, who are still the mode pick to win the championship; but, no sixth-man is ever gonna win, so nevermind. KG, one of my favorite players of all time, has missed too many games and has seen his numbers drop too much to really have a shot at the award (although, clearly, he brings the leadership and team defense as well as anyone). Dwight Howard is dominant, but the Magic simply aren't anywhere near good enough considering the quality of his teammates.

So, we're looking at a three-man race. Leaving Paul aside, who's still mostly a wild card, there are the popular-wisdom two best players in the league: Kobe and LeBron. And really, this isn't even a debate. To the numbers: Kobe's going for 28.2-6.1-5.3, LeBron's getting 30.8-8.1-7.4. Better across the board (in fact, at least 2 better in each category). James also plays more minutes and shoots a better percentage, while turning it over slightly less. Further, statistician-extraordinaire John Hollinger has James leading the league in PER at 30.56, with Kobe coming in 7th at 24.84. James is more than 2 points better than the next best player (Paul), the biggest disparity between two consecutive spots anywhere on the list. The Roland Rating at 82games.com similarly has LeBron dominating the rest of the league. 82games also looks at stats in clutch-time: LeBron is leading Kobe in points, rebounds, assists, blocks, steals, and shooting percentage, while turning it over way less. LeBron also leads in clutch-time plus-minus per 48-minutes.

More importantly, though, there's this: I've heard it said that what's so beautiful about Kobe's season is that now that he's surrounded w/ good players, we're finally getting to see what he's capable of in his prime. But that's exactly the point. Kobe couldn't do this with a bad team (and, it's not like a team w/ Odom and Bynum, even w/out Gasol could ever be all that bad). With less-than-great teammates, he's just another great-numbers, bad-record guy. LeBron, with far worse teammates at almost every position, took his team to the NBA Finals. This year, with worse teammates at every single position (even going into the bench), still has his team 10 games over .500.

Put differently: If you traded Kobe for LeBron straight-up (and this hypothetical works since they both play pretty similar roles in their respective offenses), the Lakers would, at a minimum, not get any worse. The Kobe-led Cavs, however, would revert back to the Lakers of the last few years--that is, they would be another middle-of-the-pack team that would get murked in the first round. Sure, all this is hypothetical, but history and the numbers all back it up.

As for Paul, well, 21.3-4-11 is nice, as are the steals and shooting percentage, but they're still don't match the across-the-board dominance of the King (Paul also comes up short in every statistical algorithm mentioned above). And while NOLA's 42-20 is also nice, his teammates are still far superior to LeBron's at all positions.

Witness.

Monday, February 25, 2008

You Can Call Me Modern Urban Norman Rockwell

Notes while watching TV all day Sunday:

-Frankly, at this point, it won't matter even if the Suns somehow put it all together and win the championship. The party's over. The team that almost single-handedly revitalized NBA basketball (as a team sport, not as a league) has been turned into every other boring-ass NBA team. Hooray.
Seriously, fuck this team. They looked awful today. I've never seen them allow another team to dictate the pace so thoroughly. Even when they win, as in Friday night, it's completely soulless. Clearly, even if you buy the whole you-don't-need-five-men-to-run-a-break thing, you do need Marion to make it work as we'd grown to know it. Now we've got Shaq (whose range is now down to dunks and dunks alone; he can't even hit two-footers anymore) playing by the basket, which pushes Amare out to 12-15 feet, where he doesn't command double-teams, which keeps guys like Bell from getting open shots, which immediately kills their effectiveness. So, outside of the occasional Amare dunk on some dude's face, there's absolutely nothing fun about Phoenix's new brand of game. And since Golden State and Denver aren't ready for prime-time, I am losing all my excitement for the Western Conference playoffs (past the first round).

-And while we're at it, I don't even want to think about what I'm going to do if the Pistons win the East. There's just absolutely nothing positive that can come out of a series of them vs. anybody (short of the aforementioned Warriors or Nuggets).

-It's legitimately unbelievable how far Tracy McGrady has fallen from the public consciousness. He still has the most effortless shot in the game, and he's an excellent playmaker. But it's just impossible to care at this point. It really doesn't help that Houston is the single least exciting team in the league. I can (and have) gone entire quarters without actually noticing a single basket they scored.

-Along those lines, when I first heard it, the Gerald Green trade to Houston was my favorite deal of the trade deadline, for the dual purpose of allowing him to finally get minutes and to liven up the Rockets. However, Green came into the league as the next T-Mac; if the genuine article can't make the team even halfway interesting, baby-T-Mac probably won't help much either. Especially if he can't get any minutes. After a three-day back, I'm re-starting the campaign: FREE GERALD GREEN!

-I wish I could get a prop bet on how long until the first Jews-in-Hollywood joke complements of Jon Stewart. I'm taking the under.

-Oh, there it is.

-Fun facts you had repressed that you re-learn while watching the Oscars: Cuba Gooding Jr. won an Oscar. Really. Cuba Gooding Jr. This show no longer has any credibility.

-Uh-oh. Owen Wilson hasn't been taking his anti-depressants. Lock the windows and hide the razors. He can, however, read the teleprompter, as long as you don't ask him to pretend otherwise in anyway.

-Tilda Swinton, huh? Good performance, not mind-blowing. But she almost redeemed the Academy with her fantastic shout-out to Clooney's early work as Batman. Method acting at its finest, indeed.

-Sarah Polley's still alive?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Everybody Pay Attention To Me!

Hey guys! Did you see that? Did you see me on ESPN?! Cot damn, look at how I yelled at that McNamee boy! Don't I look tough? Look how well I read that strongly-worded, pre-written statement. Hoo-hah!

Dan Burton 2012! Fuck an Obama!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Big Man Moves Super Bowl Roundup

So the Giants are Super Bowl champions. No, no, that's no good. Let's try that again.

The Patriots lost! Woo-hoo! Karma's up in this bitch!

Better. Back to it. The Patriots, who previously had the NFL on smash, got ghosted. Justin Tuck decided to channel his inner-Osi (thankfully he did it metaphorically) and put it straight on Goldenboy's chest. And most importantly, in the eyes of fawning Jersey douchebags and NY media-types everywhere, Eli spent the latter part of Sunday developing Grown Man Status (and then, of course, giving it right back). Not one to get caught up in the hype, Steve Young summed up what everyone was feeling: "Like a foundry forging steel, Eli Manning took every arrow, every shot."

Oh, word, Steve? Like a bear to the sand, Yao Ming's translator called, and he wants his wack-ass similes back.

Resident Giants fat man Shaun O'Hara let us in on his jolly, saying, "it really was a sweet moment I'll remember forever. I'm sure our party was more fun than the Patriots." Shhh...nobody tell Willie Andrews. To be fair, the Giants' probably did have one hell of a party. Michael Strahan, preach:

"Trust me, that is the best team we played, the Cowboys." Holy shit, don't tell Willie that either! He'd be pissed, but mostly just cuz he wants whatever Big Guns was taking at that party.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Iceman of the Week: Al Davis



In what is our first (and most likely our last) presentation of the award, the Iceman of the Week award goes to Raiders owner Al Davis for playing wingman to our boy Dan Snyder. Congratulations, fucker. Just when it looked like the Redskins coaching search was about to become the most embarrassing situation in the NFL, here comes grandpa Davis to take all the heat off of them (and take a serious run at Ralph Wilson as my least favorite owner).


I'm convinced Snyder has pictures of Davis in women's underwear. Seriously, there's no other explanation. Whoever could have foreseen that Al Davis would immediately regret hiring Lane Kiffin when it happened? Like, 90% of the population? 95%? Fun fact: If you take a 31 year-old guy with no NFL experience, and no head coaching experience at any level, and hand him the keys to a 2-14 team with a total of 3 talented players, you're not going to the playoffs. Who the hell knew?

Of course, as I was writing this, the Redskins hired an offensive coordinator without a head coach. So, nevermind. A little one-upsmanship? Touche, Dan. Touche.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Guest Blog: Rodney Harrison


Big game today, baby. Oh yeah! Hot Rod's coming to play tonight! Playoff football, baby, that's what it's all about. Especially against the fucking Chargers. Buncha pussies. But hey, it's all about the te---What?! No, I haven't seen your fucking helmet, Vince. You big, fat fuck. I will put my helmet right on your kneecap, then stand up and hit you again before you can get your fat ass up. Now get the fuck out of here!

Wow, sorry. Don't know where that came from. Anyways, like I was saying, we're just taking it one game at a time over here. You guys want to talk about perfection, but we don't care about that at all. I'm just gonna be playing my game out there. You didn't know I'm one of the greatest playoff performers of all time? What, can't you read? I told you, Hot Rod's gonna be making plays tonight. Just as soon as I get my pre-game ster--where the fuck are they? Who fucking took my package? BIIIIILLLLLLLLL!!! Where is that sleeveless fuck? He's gotta have some video of who stole it, right? FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

Jesus, I better go find Shawne.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Point-Counterpoint: Joe Gibbs

On the eve of the Redskins-Seahawks playoff rematch, we offer ourselves up as a forum for a little point-counterpoint:

POINT
Joe Gibbs is Hopelessly Out of Touch
by Sally Jenkins
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COUNTERPOINT
Joe Gibbs is as Fine a Leader as the NFL Has
by Sally Jenkins