The A-List

Now that exam season is over, I'm going to gorge myself on tv, movies, and videogames (and, uh, books). Last night, I kicked it off with Live Free or Die Hard, which (surprisingly) was pretty damn good. Bruce Willis is pretty much a one-trick pony, but his one trick continues to work into the beginning of Willis' twilight years, while other over-the-hill actors (notably Sly Stallone) are completely destroying what little credibility they had left by destroying (as old men) the roles that made them famous.

This got me thinking about the way that people rate movies (I myself was wondering whether to give Live Free or Die Hard 3 stars of 4). And I pretty much decided that people are idiots. To demonstrate, let's pretend that actors can be graded just like I (mercilessly) am at law school... In fact:

(1) Take the last 10 movies that the actor appeared in, and check their rankings on IMDB (we need some idiot movie rankers here).
(2) Accord those movies a letter grade based on their ranking. We're working on the law school GPA system -- 8.5 or above (there are only 43 such movies on IMDB) is an A+ (4.3); 8.0 to 8.4 an A (4.0); 7.5 to 7.9 an A- (3.7); 6.5 to 7.4 a B+ (3.3); 6.0 to 6.4 a B (3.0); 5.5 to 5.9 a B- (2.7); 5.0 to 5.4 a C+ (2.3); 4 to 4.9 a C (2.0); 2.5 to 3.9 a D (1.0); and anything below 2.5 an F.
(3) For calculating GPA, give the actor 3 credits for a starring role; 2 credits for a supporting role; and 1 credit for a bit or cameo role. For movies I haven't seen, I'm going by how high or low they are billed in the cast list.

Let's see how it plays out, for example, on Bruce Willis:

Planet Terror (2cr, A); Nancy Drew (1 cr, B-); Live Free or Die Hard (3cr, A-); Perfect Stranger (3cr, C+); Astronaut Farmer (1cr, B+); Fast Food Nation (1cr, B); Over the Hedge (3cr, B+); 16 Blocks (3cr, B+); Lucky Number Slevin (3cr, A-); Alpha Dog (2cr, B+) -- gives him an overall GMA (Good Movie Average) of 3.295. Congratulations, Bruce Willis! You are pretty average! Maybe the rankings on IMDB aren't totally fucked up after all.

Lets see how this plays out for a verifiable movie genius, George Clooney:

Michael Clayton (3cr, A-); Ocean's 13 (3cr, B+) The Good German (3cr, B); Syriana (3cr, B+); Good Night and Good Luck (2cr, A-); Ocean's 12 (3cr, B); Intolerable Cruelty (3cr, B+); Spy Kids 3-D (1cr, C); Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2cr, B+); Solaris (3cr, B). That gives him -- what the fuck, 3.22?

Proving once again that millions of people can be wrong.